you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
