i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
