does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
