I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
