I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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