I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
