This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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