How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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