Me. At least after what I've been through.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
