In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
