Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
