You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
