So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
