My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
