In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
