My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
