Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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