Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
