yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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