I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
