There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
