Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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