I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
