I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
