She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
