I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
