I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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