just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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