Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
