So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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