first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there's paper in my vomit.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
