Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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