did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
