Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
