wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
