yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
