It was confusing and full of hummus
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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