Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
