I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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