There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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