my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
