Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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