somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
