I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
