My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
