I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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