if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
