I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
