My balls are so social today.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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