dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
